you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
