I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
