You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
