Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
