you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
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It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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