Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i believe in u and ur pee
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
