We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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