Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
