kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
