Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
