Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
