Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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