i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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