Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
