Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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