Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
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Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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