this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
accomplished twins. life is a go
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
