you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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