Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
