It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
