i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
