how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
