I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
