I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
