I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
