I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This toilet bowl is my home.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
