What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
