i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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