'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
