Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
