Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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