just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
