he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
