Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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