I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sprained my soul last night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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