if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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