nut hugger
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
