Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
