I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
