Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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