I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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