I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
