he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
