i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So many bounce houses so little time
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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