I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
