if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
