you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
