How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
