The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
