it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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