We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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