nut hugger
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize