Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
