Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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