So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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