i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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