New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
